Mid-Summer Crisis

Here we are, July 6th. Halfway through my summer. My last "real" summer. I begin college in mid-August and I am pretty excited. A little nervous though.. I never was good at adjusting to 'change'. And this is for sure a huge change. With each day that passes, I try to ignore all that is to come here soon. Because I don't want to deal with it. Ahhhh, but part of me does. I don't know. I'm slowly getting back on track. Like yesterday I found this book that's overdue two months ): And Gloria turned it in for me. Ugh. I procrastinate a lot. And then yesterday I did my laundry. Now today I've been cleaning and stuff. And blogging. :P I actually think after I'm done here I'm gonna go listen to music and finish cleaning. Tina will be so happy when she gets home to a clean house. That is - if Craig doesn't dirty it all up. Idk, I'm just in a weird mood where I really WANT to be productive, I just have a hard time doing so. :P There's really quite a bit to do. Clean the bathroom, my room, clean my car out, exercise, call Kare Bears, Stara and the Secret Shopper lady chick, Plan for tomorrow (I'm going to Flagstaff with Gloria and her family), and so much more. I gotta figure my shit OUT, yo. Also, I've been wanting to read a couple books as well. So I need to quit wasting my time on tumblr and just go out and get shit done. :P

Ugh, you know what sucks is when you have to pretend to be someones friend? That is being two faced, yes. And it's a fucking stupid thing, yes. And I shouldn't do it... but it's so hard in the situation I'm in. Nicole has been my best friend for 3 years.. we've seriously spent so much time together and just have the greatest time together. But even now, the second I leave the room - she trashes me. And I'm so tired of it. I'm trying really hard to be a good friend to her. To give her advice and to be there for her when she really needs it. Like for the fact that she's moving to Texas in like 3 weeks... I'm trying to help her cope through it. When in reality... I shouldn't. I should not be a good friend to her. But I am. Why? Idk. Like, Blake Wilson, my friend from Australia. She added him on facebook and supposedly likes him now and told him a bunch of crap about me. About how I pretend to be nice on the internet but in real life, I'm really mean. And that I like a bunch of guys (pretty much calling me a whore). It's like. WHY. Why do you do this? Here I am, trying so hard to be a good friend to you, to not talk about you behind your back... and this. Did she really think Blake wouldn't tell me? Or Gloria? Because she confessed all of this to Gloria as well. Blake is my friend. And Gloria is my best friend. They both care a lot about me, as do I, them. Of course they're going to tell me. And not to start shit; but to warn me. To warn me not to get ahead of myself thinking things could ever possibly change. I don't think there is anything wrong with talking to people and getting to know them. Yeah, I do talk to quite a few boys. But they are my FRIENDS. I don't talk dirty with them and I rarely flirt. Shit, I don't even know how to flirt. I'm awkward. I just... I just want to give people a chance. Get to know them - see what they're all about. I just don't think hypocrisy is the right way to get what you want. Just a thought. Idk, I haven't had much drama lately so I felt I had to get this out and just vent.. cause it's really upsetting me. And then she asks if I'm mad at her and what am I supposed to say? I'm not even "mad" at her. I'm disappointed that after all we've been through together, that we can't just have a good, healthy friendship. Why does everyone have to talk about each other? Do we have nothing better to do? Cause I know Gloria and I talk about Harry Potter and Mormonism more than anything LOL we don't waste our time shit talking all of our 'friends'. Because that's not the right thing to do. The right thing is to be honest and faithful to your word. And I am definitely not being honest with Nicole, because she has no idea I even know. Do you know how hard it is to be friends with someone and pretend you DON'T know what they're saying about you? To YOUR friends? It's really difficult. Gloria and my mom both told me I should confront her.. but I don't want to. I don't want the drama. Even if I did it nicely, she'd get all pissed off and defensive and then tell the entire planet about the argument and turn it around on me to make me look like this drama-obsessed psycho bitch slut whore. So no. I'd rather not. I prefer to pretend I don't know and keep the peace.

So pathetic.